3/20/2017 0 Comments Ted talks on infertilityIt's really hard to find infertility resources. And that's because infertility is a big secret club no one wants to be a part of. Today I happened upon a bunch of TEDx talks about just that. Sometimes it's good to just sit with infertility. And sometimes the best thing is hearing other people talk about it eloquently. All of these talks explain IVF in plain english, which might help if you don't know much about it.
A journey through infertility (over terror's edge) - Camille Preston (2014) A 39-year-old A-type woman is catapulted into IVF. This one's good at putting the disappointment of failed infertility treatment into words. "IVF is not for the faint of heart." (Audio isn't very good on this one.) Rainy with a chance of baby - Kara DeFrias (2013) Kara's issues were PCOS and uterine cancer. She had a full hysterectomy. IVF, fertility treatments & men: A puzzling proposition - Alon Neuman (2015) Alon talks about going through IVF from the male perspective. His speech is... not funny (but he thinks it's really funny). But I appreciate his candour about finding out his sperm wasn't viable. He's also good at describing the two week wait. Infertile dad - John Fulwider (2013) (pictured above) The panic attacks, crying fits and dull aches this man felt while dealing with his infertility. I think it's so important to listen to men's experiences because so much about infertility talk is aimed at women. This couple also seriously considered adoption. John also talks about how people are insensitive to infertile people. Universal access to infertility care - Willem Ombelet (2013) A headier talk about how only 10% of the world's population has access to fertility treatment.
0 Comments
3/15/2017 0 Comments infertility self careSo it's been an emotional time. I thought once I stopped taking the hormones I'd level out within a few days. Not exactly so, I'm still experiencing aftershocks. Also, with IVF I got out of my exercise routine, which I think is really detrimental at the best of times in terms of mental health. I had a big outburst last night at a family member who didn't know what hit him (!) and had to apologize this morning. He was more than understanding, thankfully. But I have been Dawson (above) for a few weeks.
So part of this whole thing is that my husband is the one with the infertility issue, which I've mentioned before. When our IVF didn't work, the doctor pretty much said to him, "You can't have biological children." As much as I've been going through, I can't imagine someone saying that to me. Of course I have dealt with it alongside him and gone through a lot but I still get to have my biological child at the end of this, so I just don't get what it feels like 100%. As much as I can say, "It will be your child as much as any other parent" I just don't know. This has been hard for me because J is a guy, which in our society often means that he's been trained to suppress big emotions and section them off. The problem with this is that he hasn't really shared this process with friends, or anyone else except me (not even a blog!) and I don't think he's fully processing. Going from IVF (with J's sperm) to IUI (with a donor) is a turnaround of a few weeks. Which means that I will start new hormones (oh gawd) in a week and a half. And J has had a millisecond to truly adjust to this. Our doctor recommended going right into our next treatment to keep our momentum, which we both agreed with. But it's also A LOT. It's just a lot. From November, when J had his surgery, to now... it's been really full on. Part of me is glad I haven't been working but also I feel a lot of anxiety around not bringing in any money for all the grown up expenses we've been incurring. Timing has definitely been tough. Infertility does NOT make the rest of your life stop. And unless you're willing to share what you're going through, it's hard to explain to everyone why you can't keep certain engagements, you know? So part of this has been our ability to access not just fertility treatment, but a lot of other services. We have insurance through J's job (I had great coverage through my old job, which helped too) so we have access to some psychology coverage. I'm finding that self care for me is (sometimes) J taking care of himself. This is hard because he's a guy, and not a lot of men will willingly go to therapy. I realize you can't make someone do this if they don't want to, but guys, please do this. Finding out you can't have kids has felt akin to someone dying. Really. It's grief, it's mourning loss, and it's hard to deal with. So my post-IVF fail self care is: - Going to see a therapist (me) - Going to see a therapist (J) - Keeping a regular exercise routine - Eating well - Mindfulness meditation - Allowing myself a day off when I need one - Talking to friends / using my support network - Connecting with other people going through the same thing when I can / supporting others If you are reading this and have other suggestions, please comment! 2/8/2017 0 Comments egg updateI got my call this morning. The news wasn't the best: out of 16 eggs, 15 were good. 4 fertilized 4. So we have 4. The good news is that more could develop but there isn't much hope for them. This isn't the outcome I was hoping for. I have gone through so many emotions today so far, one strong emotion is regret. Regret that I didn't insist of putting a few eggs aside for the donor sperm. Mainly I didn't want to hurt J's feelings and now I really regret not trying harder to push for that outcome. But it is what it is and we have to hope for the best with these four embryos.
Of course we have a backup plan, and that is to do IUI with our donor sperm. To be honest, I'm mad at J for putting off choosing the donor so long, I feel like I was backed into the one we chose. I am trying not to judge myself for these feelings and observe them. They will pass. These feelings will pass and we will be fine. But this feels like such a massive blow for now. Statistically only 30% of embryos make it. So hopefully we end up with 2 to day 5 and the one we put in will stick and it will become our baby. I have to believe that this will work for now, I can't give up. I am still taking hormones (progesterone, vaginally) and I can't afford to lose hope right now. But goddamnit infertility is a bitch. I will repeat to myself: IT ONLY TAKES ONE. |
AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |