4/21/2017 1 Comment Another month, another one of theseUgh. The disappointment sinks in. I tried to convince myself I didn't care this time. Either way was fine with me! If I wasn't pregnant, I'd start my new job and focus on that, so it was a win-win.
I remember when I was applying for university. I applied to two great programs and couldn't decide which one to do. A woman, a mentor type, said to me, "Why don't you wait to see which one you get into first?" It was good advice. I only got into one. She was right! Instead of worrying myself about which choice to make, I should have just chilled. Same situation here. I was so worried about telling my new boss at my new job that I was already pregnant, I worried about it every day. Well, not a problem. It's been years. Years and years. Waiting, trying, tests and injections and bloodwork and appointments and time. All that time. Waiting rooms and sitting on the couch and putting my life on hold. Again and again. And another month, another negative pregnancy test. I know this was my first IUI and it takes three to get the best results. But fuck, man. I should mention I don't get my official results until Tuesday, which is a Monday test. Three days away. So I guess I could still be pregnant. They tell you not to take an early test. But I took a fancy Clearblue early detection test, sooo. It's most likely right. Sigh. Disappointment.
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4/12/2017 0 Comments iui, reporting back!So I didn't get the chance to write after the IUI because I got home and just laid down. It was NOT pleasant. So an IUI is when they put sperm in a catheter and then inject it into your uterus. As you read, I did a medicated cycle, which means that I took Clomid to get my follicles ready and then when they were just right I did a trigger shot that night to make sure I ovulated two days later. I went in on Sunday morning for the IUI.
They said I might have some "mild cramping"... Uh, no. It hurt like a bitch! I think the nurse had trouble finding my cervix in there and I also think that I'm just predisposed to having pain in that region anyway. Basically I just went in the room, laid on the table and it took about five minutes. J had to hold my hand because it really hurt. I thought I'd be up for brunching after, but no. We took a cab home. It only cramped for a few hours, but I don't think I personally could have gone back to work after that. Now we wait! My blood test to find out what's going on will be on April 24th. If it's positive, I go for another one a few days later. Feelings: I feel nervous. I got that job! (Yay!) and I guess I'm really hopeful that I'm pregnant but if I am, I'll feel guilty about taking a job and getting pregnant right away. I don't think I can win in this situation, though, so I'll have to count everything as a blessing. We'll see what happens. The job thing is great, though! I'm really excited to get back to using my brain more. Other feelings: I think we're a little bit more okay with having a donor now. J was down about it but he's starting to come around. I felt nervous the day before the IUI but now I'm just hoping that it all works out and we have a little addition to our family. Fingers crossed (FX) I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday thinking that I'd be going in for the IUI next week. Surprise! My follicles were ready to go AND on the left side! What a great relief. Because my cycles are long, I'm not ovulating right now. But the doctors wanted to take advantage of my peak follicle action so they gave me a trigger shot. I injected it at 10pm last night and will go in for my IUI tomorrow at 10:30am. Because I just finished a round of IVF, I knew how to do the injection (the Ovidrel isn't the worst, it comes in a pen and doesn't hurt too much) but I still got incredibly nervous right before. But I did it and I should be surging tomorrow morning. This could be it! I could get pregnant tomorrow!
The other thing is that I'm on the precipice of being offered a job (I think). I'm so conflicted about starting something and getting pregnant at the same time. I know that it's my right but I feel really guilty about all of this. I am really learning that I can't control everything (or most things, tbh). Why does everything tend to happen all at once? It seems that's how life is, doesn't it? 4/6/2017 0 Comments clomid, my foeSo tomorrow is my ultrasound. I'm nervous because I have one blocked fallopian tube, which means if I ovulate on the wrong side (the right side), then this cycle is wasted. My left side is the good one. I'm sooo sick of being on hormones at this point. It's very disruptive. So I took Clomid for 5 days (starting on day 3 of my cycle) and I am still suffering the side effects. For me, the biggest things are not being able to sleep and these horrible headaches. It's very annoying. So if I lose this cycle, it's a waste of taking all these hormones. And I have suffered for nothing! Argh. So fingers crossed we're good to go. Updates tomorrow.
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AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |