3/15/2017 0 Comments infertility self careSo it's been an emotional time. I thought once I stopped taking the hormones I'd level out within a few days. Not exactly so, I'm still experiencing aftershocks. Also, with IVF I got out of my exercise routine, which I think is really detrimental at the best of times in terms of mental health. I had a big outburst last night at a family member who didn't know what hit him (!) and had to apologize this morning. He was more than understanding, thankfully. But I have been Dawson (above) for a few weeks.
So part of this whole thing is that my husband is the one with the infertility issue, which I've mentioned before. When our IVF didn't work, the doctor pretty much said to him, "You can't have biological children." As much as I've been going through, I can't imagine someone saying that to me. Of course I have dealt with it alongside him and gone through a lot but I still get to have my biological child at the end of this, so I just don't get what it feels like 100%. As much as I can say, "It will be your child as much as any other parent" I just don't know. This has been hard for me because J is a guy, which in our society often means that he's been trained to suppress big emotions and section them off. The problem with this is that he hasn't really shared this process with friends, or anyone else except me (not even a blog!) and I don't think he's fully processing. Going from IVF (with J's sperm) to IUI (with a donor) is a turnaround of a few weeks. Which means that I will start new hormones (oh gawd) in a week and a half. And J has had a millisecond to truly adjust to this. Our doctor recommended going right into our next treatment to keep our momentum, which we both agreed with. But it's also A LOT. It's just a lot. From November, when J had his surgery, to now... it's been really full on. Part of me is glad I haven't been working but also I feel a lot of anxiety around not bringing in any money for all the grown up expenses we've been incurring. Timing has definitely been tough. Infertility does NOT make the rest of your life stop. And unless you're willing to share what you're going through, it's hard to explain to everyone why you can't keep certain engagements, you know? So part of this has been our ability to access not just fertility treatment, but a lot of other services. We have insurance through J's job (I had great coverage through my old job, which helped too) so we have access to some psychology coverage. I'm finding that self care for me is (sometimes) J taking care of himself. This is hard because he's a guy, and not a lot of men will willingly go to therapy. I realize you can't make someone do this if they don't want to, but guys, please do this. Finding out you can't have kids has felt akin to someone dying. Really. It's grief, it's mourning loss, and it's hard to deal with. So my post-IVF fail self care is: - Going to see a therapist (me) - Going to see a therapist (J) - Keeping a regular exercise routine - Eating well - Mindfulness meditation - Allowing myself a day off when I need one - Talking to friends / using my support network - Connecting with other people going through the same thing when I can / supporting others If you are reading this and have other suggestions, please comment!
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AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
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