8/14/2017 0 Comments The waiting roomThere's a blackboard hanging up in the waiting area at my fertility doctors office. It says, in chalk, "I want to have a baby because...."
The answers are like, "I want to be a soccer mom! My son needs a sibling! The world needs more babies!" That one stops me. I am on hormones right now (they make my follicles grow at a faster rate, making the sperm more likely to take). They are making me an unpredictable bitch. My first thought is: "I want to have a baby because despite overpopulation and our world's dwindling resources, my biological imperative dictates that I must selfishly procreate." I don't write it next to the others. The bulletin board beside the chalkboard has so many baby pictures they're practically falling off. So many smiling babies I don't have. I guess they're supposed to show that fertility treatment works? I stave off tears. Today's appointment is for blood work and a transvaginal ultrasound. This is my third cycle of treatment- the first was IVF with my husband's sperm, the IUIs following (this is the second) are with donor sperm. I'm tired. In the past year I've lost a job, been unemployed for nine months, got a job, managed a renovation and done three cycles of fertility treatment. Tired is an understatement. We're out of money and I'd love a vacation. Our vacation money is spent on hormones that make me cry for no reason and Donor 9749's sperm. Even though I hate the baby pictures everywhere, they keep me on the hook. Invested in the pot. We've already put so much into this. How could we stop now? (Are they selling us false hope?) The ultrasound shows that my right follicles have grown faster than my left. The problem? My left fallopian tube is blocked. I cry (for the third time today - and it's only 8:30am). The nurse says that even though our chances for this cycle have lessened, it's still worth doing. (Is it, though? Maybe... you hear about people getting pregnant in weirder circumstances than a medicated IUI cycle...) Each IUI cycle costs us $1500. Cheaper than what IVF would cost (probably around $25,000 for us in our circumstances). We can decide to switch to IVF at any time. I'd have to take my pension out and that wouldn't fully cover it. We're willing to risk it this cycle. What's another $1500 while I'm still 36? Each month my chances dwindle slightly. I might not even be ovulating on the left side this time, we have to wait another couple days to find out. If I'm not, this cycle is lost (we don't have to pay the $1500, though, we'll have paid for the meds, which are only about $200). I'll let you know how it goes.
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AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |