10/12/2017 0 Comments it didn't workAll that to say, no, it didn't work. This cycle, any cycle. No baby. I don't even use the word baby usually, I don't even think about that end result. I keep my eyes on the prize - incremental goals. Good levels. Can we go forward this time? THEN pregnancy. No one ever says "baby".
I am sad today, infinitely sad. It's hard to grieve a loss of something you never really had. It doesn't feel valid. Every day, it seems, someone is announcing a pregnancy. And they're all SECOND babies now, everyone's moved on. It isn't fair, really, for me to be sad about other people's happy news. And I'm not sad that they have something that I don't have, the sadness is really just that I can't get it, that I am trying so hard, putting everything I have into this thing that is supposed to just happen. The thing that happened to my mother without her even wanting it, something that was a curse. And now that I want it, it is the hardest thing. Is it the hormones fucking with me? Maybe. Is it just a natural come down after a few failed cycles and being old and tired and not wanting to deal with this shit anymore? Along with the thousands of dollars it will cost to do the new IVF cycle? This is the hard part. This is the part you look back on and think, "Wow that was hard but I'm glad that I have this baby now. But that was hard." I GET THAT, it doesn't make this easier. It doesn't make it FAIR. I'm sick of making lemonade. I'm sick of dealing. Can someone else take over now? One thing is for damn sure. I'm pretty set on this IVF cycle working. I WILL be pregnant by JANUARY dammit. This shit is getting old.
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AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |