10/19/2017 0 Comments is this real?One thing that gets me about this whole fertility process (I mean, besides the whole not having a baby for years thing) is the hormones. At first, I felt fine. Even during my first round of IVF - it was hard, but it was manageable. After taking hormones for several cycles, though, it's hard to remember what "normal" felt like. And even harder? To separate a "real" feeling from one brought on by the hormones I've been dumping into my body for almost a year now.
Is this a normal reaction or is this something that wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't on hormones? Even more complicated is the fact that, yes, I'm going through something that's incredibly hard - infertility and treatment. So, even if there weren't three different kinds of hormones all sloshing around inside me, I might be testy because I'm doing something incredibly stressful. I KNOW that the hormones are affecting me because there are days when I'm crying for no reason or overreacting to things that are out of character for me. That's fine, I can accept those days because I know what they are. But the asshole that hits me on the streetcar? Am I really mad at that guy because he couldn't be bothered to move aside, or would I just normally shrug it off? Hard to tell. Doubting whether your thoughts and feelings are real takes you to a new reality, one where you're questioning everything you do. It's exhausting. There is a silver lining, though (for me). When you're NOT questioning everything you think and feel, when things as business as usual, that's a problem. So maybe this is helping me to get to know myself again, to realize who I am NOW rather than a year ago. The downside - constantly questioning who you are is a confidence crisis. And not a pleasant one. What can I do? Take this as it comes - it's happening, I accept that. And hope that I make it out the other side of my next cycle pregnant (FINALLY).
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |