1/15/2017 0 Comments Nausea already?!So I just remembered why I stopped taking birth control 12 years ago. Sigh, so far, the first week of birth control has resulted in nausea, tiredness and a bit of all-around WTF. The tiredness was the first thing I noticed and the nausea has been making an appearance every other day or so. I stocked up on crackers one day when I was at the grocery store and thought I was going to hurl all over the meat aisle. Though I usually avoid sugar (even in carb form) (ahem with the exception of dark chocolate), I bought a shitload of the above.
This only leads me to be afraid that I will REALLY react to the injections. I also re-joined the infertility forum over at The Bump for support. I even started the February IVF thread. Check. Me. Out. It's helpful because everyone over there knows what they're doing and they use all sorts of acronyms which I'm sure to learn any day now. FET means frozen embryo transfer, FYI. J is downstairs knocking walls down. Um, so doing a house reno during hormone stuff was a really great idea, right?!?!
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I like celebrity infertility stories. I like the idea that the trials of being human surpass class and other barriers and torture our made up gods! I find it comforting that celebrities have had fertility challenges. Call it a need to connect, but thank you Jimmy Fallon and Sarah Jessica Parker for talking about not being able to have children without the help of science! It's been helpful.
Before we had these issues, I didn't think of infertility much (or at all). Perhaps a passing smirk directed towards articles about biological clocks and that bullshit. (By the way, a lot of that is bullshit.) But never a genuine pause to consider that I might someday face any challenges myself. Mainly a terror of getting pregnant at the wrong time by the wrong man (and thank God I didn't). Part of the reason is that it's really not spoken about openly. When I had a miscarriage my first urge was that I should tell people because it's so common and people should know. But that got tired pretty quickly. Not many people want to hear about your miscarriage. Fertility challenges are worse. I have never had the courage to mention it to any of the many strangers who ask me on a regular basis when I'll be having children. I wish I had it in me! Instead I politely say, "maybe one day." I need to be brave like Chrissy! 1/3/2017 0 Comments 2017.Everything hurts. My feet, my wrists, my hips, my back. It’s like someone flipped a switch and my body gave out like one of those push button dolls. The travelling probably has something to do with it, but it’s a shitty way to start the year. J’s mom force fed me for the entirety of Christmas, guilt tripping if we didn’t eat constantly. (Glad to be home.)
It should be a happy time. We start IVF … well, this week. The first month is just taking a birth control pill and monitoring things. If someone had told me at the beginning of this process how long everything takes, I would have made so many plans. Travels! Job hunt! More parties! Now I’m just exhausted and dreading giving up drinking and coffee. I lost my job in August and have been looking since then. I’ve interviewed, but nothing is happening. It’s January now. I can’t help but feel like this would all be so much easier if I had a job. Staying positive is tough. And now, if I get pregnant in February or March, I’ll feel bad taking a job. But I’ll take it. But I’ll feel bad. So I feel bad all around. Once I get back on my schedule, I’m sure I’ll feel better. Exercise helps so much and I haven’t been to the gym in a few weeks. I’ll get back this week or next and get into the swing of things. I guess the lesson here is, if you’re starting down the path of fertility treatment, don’t put things off thinking you’ll be pregnant soon. I’ll be too pregnant to travel this summer, so we won’t buy festival tickets. I’ll be too pregnant to fly then, I won’t get that great deal. Just do things! My biggest regret is not trying to find a job sooner, before my contract ran out. I mean, I did try but I should have tried harder. But that is done now. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw (I promise not to constantly quote SATC, how annoying!), don't should all over yourself. Being unemployed isn’t that bad, I guess. I am getting employment insurance. It’s part of what makes living in Canada so great. The other thing is obviously the free round of IVF we’re getting. Fingers crossed this round works! Financially this is a huge break that I’m incredibly grateful for. I haven’t really been going on any infertility support message boards. It’s P that has the issue and I didn’t encounter anyone there whose male partner had the issue. It’s sort of lonely. Of course, everyone just assumes it’s me because of my “age”…. I’m 36. We’ve been trying for two years. I'm pretty young, for fuck's sake! Shrug it off, shrug it off. January really is a new beginning for me. We’re starting our basement renovation, we’re starting IVF, and I’m starting a meditation class, which will be intense. You attend a three-hour class weekly and do 45 minutes of meditation on your own every day. It’ll be a big change for me, but I’m hoping that it will help alleviate some of the stress that we’re facing. And maybe I’ll find work this month! That would definitely take some of the stress off. I guess I’ll just do my best and focus on not watching too much TV… (the struggle is VERY real, I'm looking at you, Kelly Ripa). |
AuthorCall me M. The About page should lower those expectations of yours. Archives
November 2017
CategoriesAll Celebrities Clomid Femera Fertility Hormones Infertility IUI IVF Male Infertility Mental Health Mindfulness TWW |